Seeing some results FINALLY!

Holy cow, sorry it has been so long. Life has been very busy with an almost 2 year old and summer being here. I took two weeks off from the Y so I could clean out all of my old stuff and sell it. Including a lot of my clothes.

I am hitting the Y hard this week. I walked/ran yesterday for 52 mintues and today for 42 minutes ( I only walked today though...I was sore from Monday's workout!) I then do about 100 crunches and pick up the Emma bean and go home for lunch which has been soup/crackers or a grilled cheese and fruit. I am learning to eat meals when I never did. They say you need to eat to loose weight. GO FIGURE! I have always starved myself and that works, but it always and I mean always comes back 10fold! As I said I am on a life change and it takes one day at a time to accomplish this monumental task! But I can say my butt is smaller as are my thighs, arms and forearms and even my very saggy tummy. In fact I have had to move my carseat forward...that is CRAZY! So my Tummy will be the last to change I am afraid. Emma really did a number on me (and so did I) Those muscles are very stretched out. I keep plugging away though.

I have splurged a bit in the past couple of weeks. An Ice Cream once and I made Choc. Chip Cookies today, but I froze half the dough, and gave away half the cookies that I did bake so we only have about 12 cookies left to eat ourselves, and they are small. Woot Woot. I am learning. I never fully wanted to give up the luxuries of yummy food, just needed to learn to not overindulge.

Okay, I am done for the most part for tonight. I am feeling great though (sore, but good- I am in need of new running shoes..maybe in a couple of weeks. We will see. I hate breaking them in!)
God Bless

I had the greatest conversation today!

Two ladies and their little kiddo's came into the Pinestead today and we started chatting. One of the ladies mentioned that her daughter was a miracle baby. After 15 years in her marriage her husband and her finally had their daughter. She has PCOS. The second lady also had PCOS and said both of her kids were not expected in her life. Wow! God is GREAT! I told them that although I was not a confirmed diagnosis, I know in my heart that is what I have and we discussed how impossible it feels to not lose weight, yet eat normally. The hair that grows where it should not. etc. It was a relief talking to them and realizing that I am not alone in this. Thank you again God for sending little messages like this that you are there and listening.

Well..one BIG sickness later and I am back at it!!

One week away from the Y and I am feeling like I missed a YEAR! LoL. Darn sinus infection had me laid up and not able to do much except blow my nose and sneeze. I was in a lot of pain, but the Zpack has taken care of that! So I am back at the Y and working my tail off. I tried on a couple of pairs of Capri's from years past and the legs are loose and they fit in the waist...though some are bit tight. Darn baby weight! My tummy muscles are stretched out and are really hard to tighten up. In fact, this is SO gross, but people have witnessed this and it is true, my flabby belly has a list. It leans to the right. Honest to goodness. My right side has no tone and the left side does. When I was in labor I had the most intense burning pain in my right side. I have NO idea if this has anything to do with this, but I wonder. I keep working hard and praying that the results will show soon!!! I went to my Dr. and she didn't even see it. Jeez. My Daycare lady noticed that I look thinner right away. Oh well. You cant win them all right.

My diet is pretty simple these days.

I wake up feed Emma and we hit the road running. Stop for a protein bar and water and hit the Y. Home for lunch..something fast and simple. Soup, sandwich, fruit, veggies something along those lines...Dinner is small with fruit and veggies. I have stopped snacking for the most part, but I try to keep veggies around for those occasional cravings. I was bad this week and had a handful of Sour Cream and Cheddar chips...I took the rest of them and crushed them and threw them out. (someone left them after our Pizza Party) I also had a small cone today. Guilt...but I shouldn't be. I substituted that for a part of my lunch. Calories and fat all work out in the end. I did 40 minutes on the Treadmill today, 100 crunches and one time around on the circuit. A pretty good sweaty day!

Have a good Memorial Weekend!! Stay Healthy!

Ah darn it!

I started the "dreaded" AF yesterday and there was NO WAY in heck I could go to the Y today. Bummer! We are going up to the U.P tomorrow so no Y then either. I will have to take a good walk with Emma if it is nice enough to get some exercise in. (it is supposed to rain YUCK) Soooo....I was wondering why Chocolate sounded so darn good this past week!!! I have to admit that things are def. different in that arena since Emma came along. I hope they improve a bit though. I guess I am glad that it is back, it means my body is adjusting to exercise and hopefully weightloss!!! Have a good Weekend!

It's Hump day!

I have been really good about getting to the Y and working out for about an hour to an hour and a half 4 days a week!! Woot woot...can I see a difference yet..a little. Do I feel it YES! My knees hate me lol...and yesterday I overstretched my neck something fierce and that is hurting today like crazy, plus I have had an uncommon visitor since Emma has come along...NO fun! VEnt, Rant, Vent...... :P My "diet" is okay, I should be eating more then I am, but that can be hard to justify for myself. I am eating more fruit and veggies when I can. I am done eating by 630pm almost everyday now. I eat a protein bar on my way to the gym for energy and stamina and drink a ton of water while there. Lunch is my main meal of the day. I eat that when we get home. It is pretty basic stuff...normal lunch food, soup, grilled cheese, sandwhich, salad, whatever is around and handy at the time. So as you can see things are moving along. It has been a month since I joined the Y and I am hoping things are changing, I feel great (most of the time) and things are firming up!!! Yippeee!

Accountability!!!

Today was a rough day as the little squirt slept in until 10am!! (and I woke her up!) So I didnt get to the Y as early as I wanted to. So we hit the ground walking..ha ha...and got there a bit after 1030a.m. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill and 50 or so crunches and then had to run to pay the electric bill how's that for fun!!!

meals today....

Snickers marathon bar for breakfast with a few swigs of water (its a protien bar..not a candy bar)

Lunch was a half of a Slabtown sandwhich shared with Emma (who knew she liked salami, herbed dressing and onions!) half a desert bar shared with Emma, it was a treat as we went out to lunch and a large water.

snacks today....a handful of peanuts and banana chips*bad* and a bowl of Special K cereal with dried strawberries. I was hungry today for some reason...no I am not pregnant...pms maybe!!! and a fudgesicle(sp)...darn it!

Dinner was the other half of sandwhich and desert was the leftover desert bar. and a lowfat yogut and a glass of water.

So that was my bad day. I was hungry and tired...pms...maybe!

Todays food.

Morning- 3 small blueberry pancakes with Emma and a huge glass of water
2 vanilla wafers (bad girl)

Lunch...kinda skipped..not on purpose..got caught up cleaning the house...
snack...nobake and half a piece of pumkin bread...I never splurge like this anymore..but we were at the hospital for Playgroup and I got my salad for dinner and I love love love their nobakes and I a shared the piece of bread with Emma..though she only had a bite and didnt care for it at the time. So yes I had the whole thing...Accountablilty Kim...I ate it.

Dinner- A yummy salad with chicken (everything Low-fat) It was from a co-worker and his wife who stopped by with their daughter and sil and grandson. It was called Thunder Salad..LMAO! Black Beans cause the "thunder" It was southwest style with corn and avacado and black beans and lowfat cheese..sooo good!
and another nobake for desert

snack a handful of honey wheat pretzels...and a huge glass of Ice Tea with 3 packets of sugar..32 oz. of liquid. Sugar is bad..but the tea was a tad strong.

That was my day...not a lot of food...I need to eat more fruit, veggies and more grains/protein.

Progress.....I think

My Y membership is coming along. I try to go 3-4 times a week. I do the circut (think curves) for 35 minutes or so...and then the treadmill for 20 minutes or so..and 10 minutes of stretching, crunches and other strength exercises. Can I see it working...not yet..I hate my belly..I have leftover baby jiggle. I was investigating a Belly band of somesort to hold it all in/sweat it off.....well..I can't find much about them. I guess I will keep plugging along. Someday. My eating habits have Changed the most. I am not longer eating Fast food (3 months I think..I can't remember the last meal at one)...unfortunately I need to eat more as I have really cut out what I eat. I skip meals..I know this is bad, it's a bad old habit I need to change..You have to eat to lose. DARN IT! I have been told that I am losing, but this past weekend My Grandma took two very unflattering pic's of me..and it was all I saw!! A flubby belly and face..YUCK!!! So I quickly deleted them and hope that in a few months I wont baulk at pic's. That is all for now. I have not forgotten..just have been busy.

Back from a busy weekend...lots of food!

Its time to sum up my "bad" weekend lol. This past weekend I put my issues with food on a higher shelf. I said to heck with it I am going to enjoy myself and eat! I was responsible and didn't snack a bit. We had a lovely lunch when we got to G.R. I had French Onion soup and a salad and indulged with a torte for desert, it was so incredibly awesome! I felt a bit guilty about all the working out I have done for the past two weeks, but this was our girls weekend out and I knew ahead of time that we would be eating out. I had a lot of fun and I am looking forward to getting back on track this week and back to the Y tomorrow. Posting my meals just for my info.


Friday...Lunch French Onion Soup and a wonderful Salad...Torte for desert *awesome* Arnie's is the BEST!!
Dinner was a California Plate from The Beltline Bar...I was way to stuffed after but it was really good.

Saturday Breakfast was at the hotel...waffle and a yogurt and an egg. OJ for drink
Lunch was at Russ's I had a small burger and fries, ice water with Lemon and a shake...ugh..it was a bit to much....the shake that is..but it was really yummy!
Dinner was lighter. We went to the Melting Pot Expensive, but oh so good Fondue...we shared a pot of Cheddar Fondue and had a Ceasar Salad..spelling

We then headed over for Ice Cream at Coldstone...uh oh...it was really good..its been about 8 months since I have had Cold Stone....and then I had a med. bag of Popcorn and a water with our movie. I was bad!!!

Sunday Breakfast was waffle and yogurt and OJ and sausage at hotel...
No lunch...and A Wendy's salad and potato for dinner....time to get back on track!!!

A "FAT" Anorexic--how is that??

Anyone who knows me in person would say that I am indeed "Fluffy" I detest the words obese, fat, plump...you get the picture. So how does a fluffy person have anorexia? Let me explain my past a bit with you. When I was a pre-teen I became aware of my body and its development. I have always been very active sports, biking, swimming you name it. My mom made sure that I ate healthy and well-balanced meals. I was a slim kid, that all changed when I hit 13. Puberty is hard on a girl. My hips developed and I was tired ALL the time. I saw these changes and I didn't like that I was growing up. Most girls embrace it, even wait for the day...not me! I loved being a kid. Well, I also saw how girls looked in magazines and on T.V. and they were thin. I wanted that. I would exercise in my room every night. I did 200 sit ups (I am proud of this still!) leg lifts anything that was quiet and would tone my body. My eating habits didn't change until I was a bit older.

When I was in High school and on the volleyball team, my coach suggested/told me that if I lose 10 lbs. I would jump higher I was about 140-150lb at the time not fat by anymeans....well I lost 35 lbs. I was 125 lbs on my 5'8' frame. I am large boned...inherited. I got the sickie award that year. I don't know how I survived on so little...skipping breakfast and lunch and hardly touching my dinners. We had 3 hour long practices 3 days a week, plus games and tourney's on the weekend. It was exhausting. We ate raw unmade Jello before games for instant energy. I even blacked out during a game or two. This started something that has stuck with me ever since. It is cyclical. I "recovered" at 17, that was when we went to Hawaii and I had to eat as I was with my family.

My first year of college it started all over again. I had a huge phobia of cafeteria's. I never once ate lunch at my high school. I started to skip meals again and lost what I had gained back from the previous stint. I felt great, but had horrible mood swings. Low blood sugar maybe, I don't know. Then came a horrible break-up at 22 and the weight crept on. I saw a therapist and was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety...thanks to the breakup...and gained control again and lost some of that weight-the bad way.

Years pass, I no longer care about what I looked like. I get lost. I find myself again in my late 20's and try to make myself pretty with makeup and newer clothes, but nothing fits right and I hate that. I meet my future husband when I was 30. We are engaged a couple of years later and I knew that if I wanted to have a baby I would need to lose weight ASAP! My periods were so irregular. So a few months before our wedding I decided to take Dexatrim and really cut back what I was eating. Very soon I am doing low to no carb and eating very minimally. I joined Curves (which was a good thing) and soon I was going 3-4 times a week. I was losing weight and it felt great. I have to mention that the less I eat the better I feel. Call me Crazy, but it is very addictive, that feeling of being empty. Well, the wedding came and went and I stopped Curves because life got really busy. We got pregnant the Month after our wedding and my health and that of my unborn child was more important than starving myself.

So 19 months after my child's birth here I sit. I want more then anything for my daughter to grow up and love her body. That starts with me. I am breaking the chain. I am going to show her how to appreciate her body and get the most from it. Again that starts with me. That is why I am doing what I am doing.(Joined the Y and I am really careful on what I eat) My only issue is that I see myself falling into that pattern again. I have to remind myself that I need to eat, I look at the calories that I burn on the treadmill and doing the circut and compare them to what I am eating and say 'darn I know how long it took me to burn 300 cal. if I eat this I will have to work that hard plus some'...See what I mean. Sorry this is so long, but it is me in a nutshell. The 'fat' anorexic.

Why I started this page in my blog

Well, I thought that airing my dirty laundry on the family page was just short of tacky. So I figured when I needed to vent about my ongoing issues this is the place to do it, away from my family. Though they know I am dealing with this constantly. Have patience as I am still under construction here. It may take a bit to get this page going. Thanks.